#it's better in my docs trust...
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hi other people on tumblr who are mildly unwell about the young blood chronicles. if you have perhaps been keeping up with my ybc fangame i have shared little to no progress for it so fuck it:
here's my character art for my vixen designs
elaine (she/they) & kegan (they/them)
rubia (she/her) & vigil (she/they)
aurora (she/her) & celeste (she/her)
ana (she/they) & freya (she/her)
phoebe (she/her) & the ringleader (she/her)
i got a little bit too attached to them and they have a lot of lore. time will tell how much gets shared. Thank you
#i am tortured by tumblr having like 7 color options#THEY LOOK SO BORIINNGGG#WITH THE COLORS I GAVE THEIR NAMES#it's better in my docs trust...#i took a lot of creative liberties#elaine and kegan are the ones u need to remember#also this isn't necessarily canon but in my mind they're a large sapphic murderous polycule. i call them polycult#should i make that a tag?#i'm making that a tag#polycult#two (2) of them are canon yuri you can guess who tho#fall out boy#young blood chronicles#youngblood chronicles#ybcgame#art#portrait#also the art style is mildly inconsistent but these took me four months and the style i'm doing for my fangame art evolved since then#so#who cares
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DPXDC Prompt #58 Part 4
The living room and kitchen were deserted, neither Danny nor Jazz expected anyone as it was normal for their parents to essentially live in the basement only coming up for meals once or twice a month to âeat as a familyâ, these would consist mostly of fast food as no one trusted anything cooked in their kitchen.
They shared a glance as they opened the basement door and headed down. The dimly lit basement held the giant hole in the wall, the so-called portal, a massive metal spectacle with wires and interconnected circuitry met together to create an unholy abomination of science. Or at least thatâs what Jazz called it once when they were in her room venting about the situation.Â
âJAZZ!! DANNY!!â their overzealous father yelled as he bounded over.
Their mom walked over too, seeming to be happy for their return, âyour father and I could barely contain our excitement all day!! Go on put on your hazmat suits.â their mom gestured over to the lockers that held the suits. Both of their parents' lockers tended to be quite empty since they practically lived in them, to the point where they had several copies of the same suits that theyâd wash and reuse. Danny and Jazz only had the ones, Jazz had a nice dark violet color with black gloves and boots. Danny had black gloves and boots too but his was white to make it look like he was an astronaut, something that he had mixed feelings on. Both of these used to have a giant picture of Jackâs head on it but it was quickly removed by both siblings.Â
They quickly put the suits on over their uniforms and joined their parents behind some glass near the portal. It wasnât closed off or anything and Danny didnât think it would be able to prevent something like an explosion from charing all of them but itâs hard to have faith in parents who've missed so much because of the stupid portal, or at least thatâs how Danny felt.Â
Jazz and Danny huddled together behind their parents as their mom did some final checks on a clipboard, âalrighty we should be all good, Hun you ready to throw the switch?â their mom asked their dad. âAs ready as Iâll ever be!â Jack yelled as he threw down the switch.
âŠ
A few sparks erupted from the portal but other than that nothing happened.Â
Their dad, frustrated at this angrily tried turning it off and on again but nothing but another smaller spark and then truly nothing.Â
Another low frustrated growl left their dad as he and mom walked back up the steps, âalright Iâm taking a break.â Jack said, almost defeated, sounding, âIâm sorry but I really thought we had it this time.â
âOh come on, Jack, letâs go out, Iâm sure the kids were probably going over to the Wayneâs again anyways. Letâs go out and have a fun night then sleep on it.â their mom said, patting dad on the shoulder. They shared a fond look and then went upstairs probably to get ready.Â
Danny and Jazz stood at the bottom of the stairs and shared a look.
âThey gave up too fast againâŠâ Jazz noted.
âI guess, what do we do now?â Danny asked.
âIâm still a little curious about the portal but I donât want to keep Damian, Tim or Alfred waiting,â Jazz said with a hand on her cheek.
âWe could invite them in, I know we havenât before but maybe Tim would know how to get it working, he is pretty good with technology.â Danny reasoned. Neither of them really wanted to involve the Wayneâs in their familyâs shenanigans but at this point they were all friends and Damian and Tim were bound to find out how weird their family was at some point anyways.
Jazz stood there seeming to think things over before she nodded, âalright I trust your judgment but weâll have to be careful okay?âÂ
Danny smiled at her, âof course, whatâs the worst that could happen?âÂ
This is what led to the four of them standing at the bottom of the stairs. Their parents had left about an hour ago. Danny and Jazz were still in their suits with Tim without one and made to sit with Jazz behind the glass and Damian and Danny planning to explore the actual tube.
âI donât want to chance you getting hurt,â he said to her as he made her stand next to Tim.
Damian and Danny shared a look and nodded before heading into the tube.Â
They looked around for a while but didnât see much besides the interconnected wires on the floor of the lab. Damian took the right side while Danny took the left. They worked their way up and down the tube. Damian was a little ahead of Danny on their way out. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.
When they were almost out Danny lost his footing, his hand flying out in front of him. A soft click was heard and time seemed to crawl to a stand still.
Danny couldnât stand the thought of his friend getting hurt because of him and he felt a rush of adrenaline. He ran as he felt a swirl of energy and electricity surround his body.Â
âDANNY!! DAMIAN!!â he heard both Tim and Jazz shout as he reached Damian who was at the mouth of the portal.
A quick shove was all it took to get Damian, who had turned towards him at the sound of the shout, out of the portal.Â
âDANIEL!!â he heard Damian shout as the portal activated on top of him, surrounding his body with swirling green.
Blinding pain shot through Danny, feeling as if he was being torn apart and put back together again and again.
He figured he was dying but at least he could protect those he cared about. He was able to shove Damian out of the portal in time, and Tim and Jazz were safely behind the blast glass.
He wouldnât ever be able to fly among the stars as an astronaut but he was able to protect. His family and friends were safe and thatâs all that mattered.Â
He could allow himself to succumb to the darkness as the electricity and pain consumed him whole.
#dp x dc prompt#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp x dc#dc x dp#poor danny#Main character death#Danny died#Jazz Fenton is traumatized#Tim Drake is traumatized#Damian Wayne is traumatized#Everyone gets traumatized#Danny himself gets majorly traumatized#Character Trauma#Depictions of death#Described death scene#Everyone is going to struggle with this#I bought a new chromebook and it's easier to type so I should be getting these out sooner#It'll probably get worse for Danny before it get's better but that's how these things go#Tim was thinking it was safe to let them search in the tube because Damian was with Danny#Damian thought it was safe because he's an ex-assassin and robin#Jazz trusted his brother to know how to be careful#Whoops Danny tripped and now he's dead#my asks are open#all my prompts are free to use#no beta we die like Danny#Google Docs is my beta
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shep I was talking to my brother about dbhc xisuma as one does and mentioned that ask about not being able to puzzle xisuma's face together mentally and my brother joked that the reason you put the spoiler bars and such on his face is cause you cant draw his whole face yet đ
anyway I might have talked his ear off about dbhc idk tho lmao
LMAOO NOOOO!!! MY SECRET FINALLY IS OUT!!! /silly
#HEHE thats rly fun though i hope your brother is enjoying the osmosis XD#truthfully... drawing xisuma's face is still really difficult for me... bc he's always like. the character whose personality and character#like. comes from the fact that we never see his face? and so there's something about him that feels more... right when his face is just.#a mystery#but i DO have a facecanon for him. esp for dbhc bc its important. even if when i think Xisuma i don't think of his face the way i might whe#I think of other characters. that isn't the reason why I spoiler it though XD when we get the face reveal it'll be obvious enough. i hope#LMAO.#anyway#idk like#some of the first sketches i did of Xisuma's face will still be my favorites tbh#it's hard to capture the same energy of a rough sketch when you try to sharpen those soft edges into a clean picture yknow?#i HAVE gotten better at it though.... square-ish face but soft on the edges... kind blue eyes... hair always tied back tightly and neatly#idk. i think about him a LOT#especially lately but we knew this hehehe#i think he deserves to take the helmet off every once and a while and just. breathe and get out of his own head yknow#i think he gets better at it in s9 even if he only takes it off around people he really trusts (keralis and cleo)#not that doc hasnt seen him or that he distrusts doc but... well. that whole relationship is a work in progress since season 8 was. well#anyway im really and truly rambling <3#xisumas face is both an enigma to me and a soft sturdy shape in my brain... its hard to replicate consistently but those doodles are#just for me anyway =w= <3#(and a few select others. who Know. you know who you are)
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this pride month: mob is a little bit genderfluid (just a little bit)
btw im gonna be away from my laptop for like a week....so sad
also i totally did the girls' uniform from memory lol
#its such a shame i started the mob psycho classpect doc right before having to go do a bunch of stuff for a while [tear]#ive made progress (somewhat) trust#i find it really fun to classify characters under systems from other media#its just really fun to delve into a character's personality and use that to connect them to different roles#but this post isnt about that. genderfluid mob [crowd cheers]#this is pretty doodly#i just wanted to get it out before i left hehe#ive been entertaining the idea of genderfluid mob#just cuz i think itd be fun#mob(ina) my baby#mob psycho 100#mp100#shigeo kageyama#kageyama shigeo#mob#teruki hanazawa#hanazawa teruki#reigen arataka#arataka reigen#transgender#genderfluid#pride month#meowmeow art#doodles#im sleepy#this week is gonna force me to sleep better than i have been recently#mob psycho more like trans psycho#little bonus idea: nonbinary shou#disappears like the sands of time
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.
#i put a note in this doc many months ago about a scene that would make narrative sense but that i did not want to write#and i have been hoping it would not be necessary#and i have been trying to think my way around it if at all possible#but unfortunately there is no way around it and this scene just has to happen#and further unfortunately two plot threads have decided to converge there#which makes it that much harder to write#but i should take heart: i have a better idea of how this scene will go than i did a week ago#and i think it's also going to flow nicely into the next scene and maybe even create an efficiency for me two scenes down the line#(pep talk: this is the fic reminding me that i can still trust it to solve its own problems even if the solutions feel daunting to execute)#but now i have to write the damn thing#but i'm going to consider today a success if i'm able to just rough it out. dialogue and sequence of events and maybe some description.#baby steps#let's go
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i just read a fic of yours from over 10 yrs ago (wow it feels strange to say that but 2014 is⊠over a decade ago) and i absolutely loved it!! it was âThe Moment of Trustâ :) i know itâs been AGESSS but is there any chance at all youâd consider writing any other chapters or stories for that series? anyway, glad to see youâre still active in the merlin fandom :)

OHH AND ALSO your fic âThe Right Thingâ is what led me to your other work in the first place, i rlly rlly loved reading that :) for that fic too i would definitely be very interested if you were to continue it⊠i saw in one of the chapter notes that someoneâs begging had once single-handedly motivated you to write more⊠so uh. no pressure but also please please please please please please pleaseee? but also no pressure. but also pleaseeee đ„ș please âŠ
this is so sweet đ it really is always wonderful to hear that people still find and enjoy my writing after all this time, and it DOES make me look back at my notes and drafts and think about how to move forward. those stories are still very dear to me! ideally i would like to write more of them at some point.
the issue that I run into these days is thatâŠI havenât watched an episode of the show in, yeah, probably over a decade. as much as the characters have been engraved into my psyche, if I wanted to continue either of those fics with any seriousness, I would want to do a lot of rewatching and note-taking to remind myself of character quirks and habits, the day-to-day details of food and wardrobe, the nuances of how they deliver each lineâespecially since The Moment of Trust was meant to be a series of key episode rewrites, so Iâd pull directly from the transcripts and episodes to interpret expressions, inner thoughts, and motives.
(The Right Thingâs stumbling block is all of that, plus âI donât know how to write about medieval nonviolent legal reform,â lmao.)
and, wellâŠâactiveâ in the Merlin fandom is maybe a little generous đ
i havenât been particularly active in ANY fandom the way i used to be with Merlin, and Merlin has fallen out of âactive long-term hyperfixationâ and into the âlife-changing media that changed my brain chemistry and is dear to my heart but no longer dominates my waking momentsâ zone. I just have other things I end up prioritizing when I have free time these days (*cough* everyoneshouldplayInStarsAndTime *cough*).
BUUUUUUUT maybe I could compile and post my notes somewhere? idk, sometimes that feels like the creator has fully given up on a project, and I donât want to say Iâll NEVER work on these stories again. the odds justâŠâŠarenât looking great at the moment, lol.
#anon#asks#replies#i wish i could give you a better answer than this!#time loop game is currently dominating my brain space#i DO have a chunk of a chapter written out for Moment of Trust but like. it stops before it gets to the meat of the ep i was gonna adaptâŠ#and then itâs just the episode transcript pasted into the doc for reference lol#i think i remember looking at it again a couple years ago and going âah. i remember why i stopped Here.â
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I'm almost always very cautious when downloading anything or clicking almost any link, if anything I'm probably too anxious about it
But then the second it's any utau files that someone recommends, I'll instantly trust the most sketchy looking dropbox site and then unzip a random folder called "plugin.zip" that was uploaded 14 years ago without any fear
(in my own defence even the official utau software stuff looks like it hasn't been updated since speaking in catlol was a thing)
#oh an email from my boss?#must be a virus because I dont trust the link#oh a stranger's google doc with a download in it for a VCV plugin?#better install that without a second thought#utau#utauloid#moth yapping
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my momâs side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if sheâll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said âofc ill take you back youre my personâ#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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i feel kinda crazy bc whenever i was a teenager i created this sorta imaginary older big sister who had moved out of the house so in my head i could live w her whenever i wanted bc she had survived it all and was independent and she would also just comfort me in a big sisterly way whenever something bad or upsetting happened and recently ive been going back to that at my big age đ and its kinda sad and also just wish fulfillment and also kinda scary bc i really used to think that by my age i'd have everything sorted but i really don't and i know that's normal and nobodies twenties are perfect but some people also have good relationships w their fathers which is crazy just to think about sooo
#is this readable? i hope not â€ïž#i typed up some of my feelings about this in a word doc and just realised like damn i basically have an imaginary friend as an adult#i really am crazy lol#i just feel lonely within my family atm. bc my brother is younger than me so he could never really do anything to help#and i feel like i cant really trust my mam the same anymore..even tho i still love her a lot#and i'm trying to improve my relationship w my dad bc im realising what a hard life he had and that he's not like an irredeemable Bad Perso#and sometimes he'll look at me a certain way or apologise for something small that he would never have apologised for a couple of years ago#and i feel like im going crazy like is he becoming a better person or..? and i feel bad bc im not really doing the same#or maybe i am. sometimes i think im unfair to him considering how he is now but i also cant really reconcile what he is now w/ how he#was then. and then he'll suddenly say something to me in a certain tone of voice or with a certain sharpness and i'll go back to how a felt#as a teenager :/ i rlly dont know what to do about it but i think its because i dont really have anyone to talk to about it#i mean i sort of do. but i also dont actually know how much of it actually happened and how much of it i just made up#but having worked w teenagers yeah they can be little shits but i also cant imagine treating any of them the way my dad treated me#just bc theyre annoying or have an attitude or are a little mean or whatever#like theres actually a lot of ppl i could talk to but also how do you even bring something like this up#how do i say 'oh and i invented an older sister as a coping mechanism and sometimes i still talk to her in my head' without sounding crazy#its 2am here i need to go to bed i have work in the morning đ day and night and next day ruined bc my dad spoke to me slightly funny
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do you still write opera fic (or other [musicals?]?)? any WIPS?
in theory yes. in practice i haven't had the motivation or time since like last summer
unless i get freak level obsessed with a thing, during the school year i usually have no time or motivation to write fic because i'm so busy reading and writing academic papers and stuff. i also don't read for pleasure much during the school year for the same reason. i usually have more time on breaks and over the summer, but then it's a matter of motivation and inspiration. even when i do have time on my hands i need a good idea to want to write and the luck of fate i guess to actually do so. and ironically while everything i write i write for the primary audience of myself, and appeal to what i personally want out of a fic, i am far better at Doing Things when i have external motivation. and the things i end up writing fic about more often than not are things that have like. a realistic potential audience of like 4 people, if i'm lucky, ha. so i don't really get the benefit of commenters or a rapt audience motivating me to keep writing.
there are still a few outstanding longform fics that, while i haven't touched in over a year, i haven't totally given up on the concept of finishing them. right now this would pretty much be the devil you know (don giovanni), starlight (oklahoma!), and the 25th annual solesian national spelling bee (fantasy high), all of which are relatively long multichapter works which i haven't acutally finished writing yet, but have at least loosely planned out an ending an a way to get there. fantasy high is the only one that i would hazard to say has a real potential audience, but since the junior year season disappointed me, i haven't gotten the interest back enough to keep writing that one just yet. but it's got enough behind it already that i don't want to entirely abandon it. starlight at this point is old enough to enroll in kindergarten (i started it shortly after i finished high school. jesus christ) and i don't even want to list the au qualifiers attached to that thing here lest i succumb to the cringe, but the story and the characters are still so dear to my heart i don't have it in me to truly abandon her. and the devil you know is similar, though (at least at this time) i think the premise is less cringe; i have Ideas for it still, but i don't have the drive to finish it right now unfortunately. or the audience. but i know better than to expect that anyone but myself is really reading fic of old ass operas and musicals.
#sasha answers#anon#let the poet bless this round#my old hadestown fics though. anything that is marked 'unfinished' is abandoned gd bless#i am not writing that anymore#i should probably orphan or delete those tbh....Don't look at them#and some of my other old and cringe oklahoma au fics. 2019/2020 was a dark time#(i still like a lot of those actually. but they're better suited to discord dms with trusted friends than the light of day...)#as far as 'wips' go a lot of those actually have unpublished chapters sitting my docs still#but i don't really see myself continuing them seriously#i'm a very. capricious. writer. i either get an Idea and i write like the wind until it's done#or i do nothing for months and months#i don't recommed it. ha#i also recommend. not writing for the world's nichest subjects. because then no one will read them#and yeah i write for myself more than anyone else. but it is nice when other people read them too#anyway#this is to say yes i have wips; mostly of the stuff mentioned above though not really anything new and exciting#if my interest got sparked again in an intense way and/or if i had more external motivation i might write more often#but. this is where it stands as it is now ig
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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SO-18: Memory Bomb!
If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.
No art, but hopefully my eyes will improve enough to add some later!
Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Peanut Butter Bubblegum (SO-18) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!
There! They got him! Well, sorta. That's definitely not Erik but he's in there somewhere. They'll get him out! Eventually!
I had such a cool idea for a musical comic but I can't do it. You'll have to read and imagine David and Hyacinth having it out, while what he is now is slowly subsumed by what he once was... Or while an imposter who made a very bad decision becomes permanently trapped in a web of his own lies. Maybe both at once!
*sigh* I'm struggling, but I don't get real feedback from the eye doctor. It's like they don't think I can't handle any negativity, so everything is all smiles and "you're doing great!" while I'm dealing with shit they should've sat me down and told me about before I even had the damn surgery.
You see, I had the impression the surgery was the best option for not losing any of the improvement I spent all last year making myself sick to gain. Heh. Maybe it was, but I've still lost ground and I'll need to put in even more work to get it back. I have a different issue now: stamina. My eyes get tired of focusing on detail, near and far, and in certain situations they'll just stop. I'll be straining as hard as I can and I won't be able to tell you if that's a D, C, O or G. It won't shift in and out of focus like I might be able to get it eventually, it'll just be a static blur until I rest my eyes and come back to it. (Kinda think the doctor thought I was faking or playing it up, since I could read letters the first time she asked me to, and then I couldn't. But the tech just listened to me describe what was happening and said, "Oh, yeah. Your eyes are just tired. Take a break.")
I don't have much trouble reading - as long as it's black and white or close to that. Much like Erik, I can get it from context. I've always read the shape of the word, because my damn eyes never worked like they're supposed to. But art is not like that. Hell, even reading a comic is harder for me right now.
I'm getting my Xmas computer soon. It has a bigger screen than my tablet, and I should be able to draw on it. I might not get so tired so fast with a bigger screen, but I won't know until I try. I found a good enough refurbished deal that I can afford a pen display with an even bigger screen, if it comes to that, but I'll have to give myself some time to strengthen my eyes in any case.
I thought I was just going to heal from this - it would only be a matter of time until the wound closed and my corneas cleared up - I certainly got that impression at the start. But now they say I'm not going to get better without more work. I'm stuck doing pretty much the same exercises, only now they're hard in a different way. The dry-eye does seem to be improving, but there's no guarantee it will keep doing that. I have nearly a year to wait for the dryness and light tolerance to stabilize, those things are the slowest to heal. Well, they would be the slowest, if I didn't have this stupid vision dysfunction. I have no idea how long that's going to take to adapt.
Anyway, this is all too many words. I'm trying to explain why I won't be able to come back with more story after a two week break, even though I have the next six-pack almost ready to go. I can write. I can reorganize the site (and I need to do that, the theme and the global colours are just stupid, and all my pattern blocks are malfunctioning). I can open a new bank account and put together a Ko-Fi page (after Patreon gets rid of my data - they only have a couple more days to do that within their 30-day limit!!). I can't illustrate. Nobody's going to stop scrolling and look at this shit in their feed if there's no images, and I'm not resorting to stock photos or AI.
I want to get to the point where I can spam my followers with something I'm proud of that looks nice, and send them to a site that I'm also proud of and which looks nice. I want more readers, but I don't feel right asking for them when everything's falling apart, including me.
So, I'll be here, but there won't be more story for a while. At least give me until the 20th, that'll be three months out from the surgery and I should be fairly well healed by then. It's just that I have this stamina issue nobody warned me about and no timeline for that. Almost like it doesn't matter. Hey, you can see without glasses! 20/20! Like we promised! Does it really matter if it expires without warning? It works when you read off the chart the first time and that's all you need, right?
No. I told you people I was an artist. You don't seem to be reviewing my chart and god alone knows if you even wrote it down, but you did ask me and I told you. This is not enough.
We'll see what the next few weeks will do for me. I hope like hell I'll be back soon with another six - words AND pictures.
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#tin soldier and soldier on#instalment#engagement lounge#eyes#updates#vent#didn't mean to vent but i don't know how else to explain#âyou're doing better than you think you are!â the doc says#âwelcome to my growing list of doctors i tolerate but do not trustâ i would say if i could#but i don't have another doctor locally who can treat this at all#âhey didn't they tell you those eye drops don't work?â âwhat? but those are really good dropsâ âOK but they DON'T WORKâ#âwell just keep doing what you've been doing!â#FOREVER i guess?
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She was a punk, he was a nerd,
Can I make it anymore obvious
At 16 he proposed, she tried to cut off his head
What more can I say~
#my art#sketch#traci 13#eddie bloomberg#dc comics fanart#ok so. in my ebtt au they used to date. traci is a reality hopper. doc 13 hunts monsters and collects trophies.#said he'll only accept them if she brought him ed's head. traci having grown up outside of reality didn't think much of it#they haven't spoken for a while after that#she's better now. and that's enough for eddie to forgive#it's not like he'd ever trust other people anymore after dan's little shtick
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Wild mountain thyme actually has me sobbing at 12 in the afternoon. I truly donât know how you have such a way with words but I wouldnât be surprised if 10 years from now youâre an author publishing books that are being sold out in every Barnes and noble. Evoking emotions is a hard thing to do. Doing it only using words on a previously blank page? Oh boy. Truly one of the best things Iâve read and I hope you donât quit writing, whether itâs fanfics, mystery novels, hell even an autobiography, Iâd read em all!!
oh my god this is actually the sweetest thing ive ever read đ„č saying it made my day wouldn't do this ask any justice. i appreciate you for saying this so so much. people being able to feel so strongly from my writing is one of the biggest things i take pride in and to hear that y'all resonate with it is so humbling and so special to me as an author. the support and love on wild mountain thyme has actually been insane and im honestly blown away by the amount of sweet comments and messages i got from yall đ i don't know where i'll be in 10 years but i can promise that writing will always be close to my heart đ«¶ thank you sm for this anon, i love you big
#lee's anons đŒ#im crying at 2pm and its not because i still cant figure out how derivatives work#i wanna open up that google doc so bad rn but i have a 55 in chem so i need to lock in#trust that when i have free time and better grades it will be a renaissance on my page#i love all of you so much
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oooOoOogh hoptal tomorro....
#2 days remaining before the unboobening#there's a lot of life changing things that happened to me since i was born#but for a lot of them i didn't know they were about to happen#this being something i've known about + had time to prepare for + was my own decision sure is something#i'm like... barely stressed about it ? like i know i wouldn't want things any other way#i trust the docs i trust Myself and i know many have done this before me and i can/Will be as happy as they are#sure it's gonna be a few weeks of not very fun times struggling to move and needing assistance and all that#but god what's a few weeks for a lifetime of feeling at home in my body ?#of not having to worry that people around me can clock that my chest isn't flat ? of not having to deal with binding#of just. throwing on a shirt and let's go outside. of dressing slutty as fuck if i want#i'm ready and i'm excited and i know how much it helped me feel better and more confident when i came out#and then even more when i started T. if that pattern continues and i don't see why it wouldn't#i'm gonna be ready to move forward with a lot of things i've been putting off#so#*mario voice* so long gay bazongas
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three times

a/n:Â some time ago i asked you guys on a poll what dude you wanted in this story and you all chose bucky, so here it is! also, i partly blame you all for how unhinged it turned out... like you get maybe 6,69% of the blame for the push you gave me... the rest is just me being a hoe
summary:Â a tale of the three times a nurse was kidnapped by new yorkâs most notorious gang.Â
warnings:Â dark!mob boss!bucky barnes x nurse!reader x doctor!peter parker, smut, dark content, noncon/dubcon, mob au, mobsters!steve rogers, clint barton, tony stark, scott lang, bruce banner, the gang is called the avengers, doctor!kate bishop, enemies to lovers, kidnapping, violence, weapons, blood, being drugged, alcohol consumption, possessiveness, kissing, clothed x completely naked, panty sniffing, dirty talk, manhandling, size kink, gaping, belly bulge, oral, fingering, fisting, pussyjob, in bucky's mind it's brat taming, dumbification, impact play, squirting, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, somno, bondage, mild knife play, mild gunplay, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, cumplay
word count: 11.574
⌠gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here âœ
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You flinched jaggedly as the dark cloth bag was finally ripped off your head. Eyes immediately squinting, they still strained to take in the unfamiliar space youâd been dragged to.Â
You were no longer in the hospitalâs dark parking lot, nor were you in the black van youâd suddenly been tossed into, but instead, you found yourself in a dark living room. It was elegantly decorated, from the Persian rug to the dramatic, antique fireplace flicking behind the cluster of suit-clad criminals glaring down at you.Â
âThis her?â one of them grumbled.Â
âYep, one doctor as per your request,â the one whoâd abducted you grinned, proudly planting a palm on his hip, âeven choose a pretty one just for shits and giggles,â his starkly different mannerisms only made the others seem that much more intimidating.Â
The broad-figured one with a shock of sandy hair then stepped closer to where you stood, âalright, hereâs the thing, doc,â his head tilted slightly to get on your level as he spoke to you directly, âyouâre gonna do exactly as we say and then everything will be alright, okay?â he stared in your eyes as you offered him a shaky nod, âokay,â he exhaled, âyou got a name?â
âY/n Y/l/nâŠâ you uttered before hearing yourself try to correct, âbut IââŠâ
âBut what?â the same man croaked.Â
âI-Iâm not a doctorâŠâ
âGod damn it!â someone rumbled as everyoneâs eyes flicked to the man whoâd captured you, âwe canât fucking trust the new guy to do anything.â
âWell, sheâs wearing scrubs,â he tried, frantically gesturing to your uniform, âI just thoughtââ
âYou fucked up, Lang!â the first man who youâd heard speak barked loudly, âand now weâre not just gonna lose one of our brothers tonight, but also the head of the snake. Great fucking job,â a sharp click then caused your eyes to find the gun he yanked out, âand now she gotta die as wellââ
âWait!â you shrieked as both of your palms shot up in the air, âno! Please donât kill me! I-Iâm a nurse! Iâm a nurse! I can help! Whoeverâs hurt, I can help!â
Seemingly superior to the others present, the blonde one stared at you intensely for a while before exhaling a verdict, âshit⊠well, I guess itâs better than nothingâŠâ his polished shoes then began to shuffle before he gestured to you, âcome this way.âÂ
Hesitantly, you slowly shadowed him out of the living room, down a dim hallway, and into the chamber that bloomed at the bottom of the corridor. In the centre of the dark room, bathed by two glowing pendants, stood a large pool table, and upon the green felt, with colourful orbs haphazardly scatted all about, there laid a man, unconscious and bleeding.Â
The brunetteâs suit was sodden with crimson, though you couldnât tell from here how much of it was his own.Â
The gangster who was standing by the side and watching over the wounded individual glanced up at your arrival and asked his fellow men, âthis the doctor?âÂ
âNo, itâs a fucking stripper,â you twisted your neck at the sarcastic tone as the guy whoâd only moments ago pulled a gun on you waltzed past you and entered the room as well, âyes, of course it is, Tony. Howâs the boss?â
âStill alive,â he answered in a sigh and cast his glance back down upon the man on the pool table.Â
Slowly stepping up, you carefully let your stare wash over the mobster, from the frazzled and blood-soaked attire to the metal-looking hand poking out one of the sleeves.Â
âWhat happened?â you asked carefully.Â
âMiss,â someone grumbled as they set a bag of supplies down beside you on the games table, âjust fix him.âÂ
âIf you wanna give your friend a better chance, then you give me as much information as possible about what happened to him,â you uttered as you found a pair of gloves and slipped them on.Â
Letting out a sigh, the blonde fellow then said, âit was a shootout.â
Snatching up a pair of scissors, you began to snip in the manâs clothes, staring at the sleeve closest to you, âhow many times was he shot?â
âI donât know, heâ⊠a lot of rounds went off,â he grunted, the events of the night weighting his broad shoulders down, âI wasnât exactly counting.âÂ
Two bullets. Thatâs how many you found when his dress shirt was in tatters on the floor. One was lodged in his right arm four finger widths above his elbow, while the other had strayed a bit further north and buried itself in his bulky bicep. You also found other scrapes and scratches along his torso, assumingly from other bullets that hadnât been as lucky as those two.Â
The smallest of relieved sighs flowed from your lungs as you discovered that he wasnât in a critical enough condition to be in need of a surgeon, at least not from what you could tell with the limited resources currently at your disposal.Â
As you carefully set to work, first digging the bullets out before cleaning the wounds with saline, your lips slowly parted as you treaded a curved needle, ââŠso, not that I donât love the change to my evening plans,â you didnât dare shift your glance as you asked, âbut donât you have a regular guy for cleaning up these sorts of messes?âÂ
âWe did⊠he died tonight, trying to stop that from happening,â the blonde man gestured to the injuries you began to stitch up.Â
Blinking up to find his eye, you uttered sincerely, âIâm so sorry for your lossâŠâ feeling yourself, even under such circumstances, uncontrollably slip into those compassionate parts of your profession.Â
A slight scoff bubbled out of the gangster, taken aback by your unexpected gentleness, âyeah, me too. Banner was one hell of a guyâŠâ
Once each of the wounds were sutured closed and youâd bandaged him up, you pushed yourself back from the pool table.Â
âAlright,â you exhaled and glanced up at the criminals lurking in the shadows of the chamber, âIâm done.â
âYeah?â one of them stepped up to get a better look, âheâs alright?â
âNo, heâs not alright, he was shot multiple times and should be in a fucking hospital,â your eyes briefly fluttered shut as you heard yourself snap, ânow, can I please go home?âÂ
Catching the eye of the blonde one, second in command, you watched as his jaw briefly clenched, the muscles dancing beneath his skin before he breathed, âno, youâre not done.â
âBut I did exactly as you askedââ
âLike you said, he should be in a hospital right now, but we canât have that happen, so instead, youâre gonna stay here till heâs out of the woods.âÂ
âWhat? I canâtââ
âYouâre a nurse, right?â he croaked to shut you up, âso fucking do your job and nurse him back to health.â
Three whole days ended up passing by before Mr Barnes slowly began to regain consciousness.Â
âOh, youâre awake!â you snapped back into work mode, springing from your seat and leaning in over the bed which heâd previously been moved into. As the mobster instinctively began to sit up, his eyes barely open yet, you laid a soft palm upon his metal arm and uttered, âsir, please donât move,â and watched as his clenched jaw almost silenced a groan, âone second, Iâll give you something for the pain,â before you shifted a moment to scavenge through the supplies youâd been given. Once the medicine was found, you exhaled slowly as you injected it, gently pressing down the plunger of the syringe, âthere you goâŠâÂ
You let yourself suck in a deep breath before your sharp eyes washed over him, briefly assessing him as he woke, though as your gaze flickered up to meet his own, initially with the intent of checking his pupillary response, the manner he stared back at you caught you so of guard that a shiver trickled down your spine. Â
âSir, do you know what your name is?â you asked in a clear tone.Â
âMhmâŠâ he hummed and continued to stare at you as if you were an angel, âBuckyâŠâÂ
âBucky, great, thatâs good,â you nodded, âand do you know where you are?â
His gaze didnât shift away from your visage as he then murmured, âheavenâŠâ
âNo, I assure you, youâre not dead,â grasping the stethoscope draped around your neck, you shifted it into place to take a quick listen to his heart, âyou almost were, a few times, but you arenât.âÂ
As the steady thumping of his pulse filled your ears and seeped into your soul, his deep voice washed over you once again and layered atop the beat, âIâm guessing you had something to do with that?âÂ
Catching his unwavering eye a moment, you then averted yours and muttered, âI was just doing my jobâŠâ before retracting the stethoscope from his chest and casting your glance towards the door, âI should probably go tell the others that youâre awake.âÂ
TWO WEEKS LATER
ââŠand Mr Jensen in 401 is complaining of a headache, so you might wanna check that out as well.âÂ
âAlright, cool,â the doctor scribbled down the last of your words on the little notepad in his palm before his gaze flickered up to catch yours, âthank you so much, Y/n,â he flashed you a warm smile.Â
Mirroring his expression, you hugged the charts in your grasp closer to your chest, âany time, Dr Parker.âÂ
âPeter, please,â his thumb extended to click the top of his blue pen before sliding it into the breast pocket of his white coat, âhey, I was gonna go grab a cup of coffee right now, do you wanna join?â he tried to keep his tone casual.Â
Blinking back at him, your breath couldnât help but get caught in your throat, âIâ, uhm⊠Iâd love to, but I get off in a little bit. Wednesdays are always just morning shifts for me.âÂ
âOh, alright,â he nodded understandingly, though the gentle rejection still tainted his features slightly.Â
âBut another time,â you offered, successfully brightening his smile once more.Â
âYeah?â his elbow curled up to lean against the supportive railing that lined the hospital hallways.Â
âSure. I mean, I drink coffee, you drink coffee,â you awkwardly began to dig yourself into a hole, âthe chances of us bumping into each other at the coffee cart are pretty highââÂ
But your sentence was then cut short as Peterâs pager suddenly pinged in his pocket.
Fishing the small device out, his eyes flickered down to the small screen before he croaked, âoh, sorry. I gotta run.â
âOf course,â you swiftly waved a hand and watched as his feet began to shuffle into a run.Â
âTalk later!â Peter called over his shoulder before he rounded a corner and disappeared into the maze of the hospital.Â
Twisting around, your feet carried you the remaining distance towards the nursesâ station overlooking the ICU. As you laid the stack of files in your arms down on the counter, a familiar voice found your ears right before her visage popped into your periphery.
âPlease tell me that that was what I think it was.âÂ
Your gaze stayed glued on the charts a moment longer as you ignored your friendâs prying, âhello to you too, Kate.â
When your head finally raised and you let her catch your eye, her wide ones questioned you before she expectantly poked once more, âwell?â
âWell what?â you shrugged, though your feeble attempts at shutting the pending subject down failed as she shot you a glare, efficiently causing you to crumble with a sigh, âyes, he asked me out againâ, or kinda. It was just coffee.â
âAnd you finally said yes?â she smiled keenly.Â
Holding back your scoff, you simply uttered, âno,â before spinning on your heel.Â
âAgain?â she shuffled slightly to catch up to the pace you swiftly slipped into, âwhy not? Heâs kind, heâs a doctor, heâs hot,â she listed off, counting on her fingers, âheâs literally perfect for you.â
âI know he isâŠâ you tilted your head, almost with an air of shame, âheâs exactly the type of guy that I should be running afterâŠâÂ
Though you liked him as a person and cared for him enough to call him your friend, those feelings you caught yourself forcing just hadnât bubbled up yet. He was the kind of man that you deserved, that you should fall for, and certainly not the monster that still haunted you, that for some reason wouldnât stop popping into your mind, especially at inappropriate times, like very late at nightâŠÂ
âSo then why arenât you?â Kate asked as you entered the employee locker room.
And though thoughts of a gruff gangster caused your heart to swell, you still muttered, âI donât knowâŠâ as an excuse before you popped open your locker and uttered, âhey⊠what do you know about mobsters here in the city?
âOther than the horror stories Iâve picked up in the ER, not too much,â she leaned against the row of cubbies beside your own as you dug out your bag and began to change out of your scrubs and back into the clothes youâd worn early this morning when the sun was still only a promise waiting to rise, âthough I did grow up here, so I probably do know a bit more than you,â she acknowledged your move to the city only a few years prior, âwhy? Are you suddenly in the mood for a change in careers?â
Though the truth was on the tip of your tongue, you still found yourself obeying the commands the gangsters had sent you home with. Telling the cops was no use because they were all in their pockets, and confiding in a loved one also wasnât a smart choice as that would only put them in danger.Â
âHave you ever heard of someone called Bucky Barnes?â you asked, instinctively lowering your voice to a whisper.Â
The ever light-hearted expression plastered upon Kateâs face fell at the recognition of that name, âyeahâŠâ
âReally?â your brows rose, âwhat do you know about him?âÂ
âI mean, other than that heâs the supposed leader of the Avengers, not too much.â
âThe Avengers?â
âYeah, one of New Yorkâs most notorious gangs,â she let out a breath, âfrom what little I know, they get up to a shit ton of stuff straight out of a De Niro movie or something, but their real money maker is cocaine⊠I mean, thatâs why the head of the group is known as the winter soldier.âÂ
âHow do you know about all this stuff?â you squinted back at her in slight amazement.Â
âWent to med school with a few coke heads, might have dated one of them,â she blurted before shaking her head and getting back to the subject at hand, âanyways, Y/n, the point is, you donât wanna mess with those types, trust me.âÂ
âI know,â you uttered quietly as you shrugged on your coat and pushed your locker closed, âI wasnât planning on it, I was just curiousâŠâÂ
As you dragged your foaming toothbrush over the last of your teeth, a loud knock suddenly rattled your front door, causing you to jump atop the pink bathmat in your tiny bathroom.Â
Neck twisted out towards the entryway of your apartment, you briefly leaned over the sink to spit out the toothpaste slowly leaking out of your mouth, before your feet began to carry you towards the exit.Â
One of your palms momentarily ran over the edge of your pyjama-clad arm as the night chill soaked through the cotton and made you yearn for the warmth of your bed.Â
Though as you pulled on the handle, the haunting figures on the other side of the door caused your blood to freeze with recognition. Standing tall on the other side of the threshold, there stood two of the Avengersâ henchmen.Â
âYou need to come with us,â the one called Barton ordered coldly. Over the few days the gang had held you captive, youâd picked up on the names of many of the members, including the two that stood before you now.Â
âWhat?â your chest rose and fell rapidly, âIâ, please, I swear, I havenât told a soul.â
Having them knock at your door was one thing, but even just the thought of criminals such as them knowing where you lived sent you into a spiral.Â
âYeah, we know you havenât,â Scott put a hand on the doorframe, âthatâs not why weâre here.âÂ
âWhat happened?â you murmured as you were led into one of the many sitting rooms in the mysterious manor they once again brought you to. In an armchair before you, half-empty glass of bourbon in metal hand and the sleeves rolled up on his blood-tainted shirt, there sat the big bad winter soldier himself, panting as he slowly sipped.Â
Though when the sound of your voice filled the room, Buckyâs eyes only snapped up to yours for a moment before he shot a glare at his men.
âWhat is she doing here?â he grumbled lowly.Â
âBoss, you busted your stitches,â Lang gestured tensely to the crimson slowly staining his crisp white shirt, âwhat else were weââ
Intersecting the conversation, the broad form of Steve stepped into the space between the gangsters and swiftly snuffed the pending argument out, âthank you, Barton, Lang,â he nodded to each of them, âyou can go,â and you watched the pair that had brought you back exited the room. Shifting his weight, Buckyâs right hand man turned to you and offered you a polite smile, âY/n, pleasure to see you again.â
âYeah,â you exhaled, not masking your disdain of the situation youâd been dragged into yet again, âI wish I could say the sameâŠâ before you shifted your eyes to the man in the chair, though still directed your question at Steve, âwhat do you need me to do?âÂ
As you shifted closer to the intimidating leader, ever drinking, surely to dull the pain, Rogers murmured as you kneeled down to assess, âI think itâs just the one on his shoulder thatâsââ
âYeah, I see it,â you cut him off, then glanced back over your shoulder at him, âdo you still have that medical bag?â
âYeah, one second,â he swiftly disappeared to fetch it, leaving you all alone with the feared mob boss.Â
With the crackling fireplace off to the side as your only source of light, you cautiously raised your hands and asked, âdo you mind taking this off?â motioning to the shirt he wore.Â
âYeah, sure,â Bucky sighed and sat down his glass before shrugging the item off. Though youâd stared at his bare chest for hours on end before, soaking in his reveal once again for some reason caused your heartbeat to pick up, though you swiftly averted your gaze in an attempt at staying professional.Â
Not long passed before Rogers had returned with the supplies, and youâd commenced redoing his stitches.Â
âSo,â you murmured though your concentration, weaving his skin back together, âdo I even wanna know how this happened?â
Blinking down at you, your face close to your work and therefore his skin, Bucky breathed, âprobably not...â and as his stare only intensified over the next few stitches, his low timbre once again washed over you as the corners of his lips tugged into the slightest of smirks, âcute PJs, by the wayâŠâ
âYeah, I didnât exactly get a chance to change,â you felt your cheeks heat up.Â
âOh, I'm not complaining,â his gaze shifted to take in the way the cool night air had caused your nipples to become visible like pebbles beneath the thin stripy fabric, the comment making you shift tensely on your knees.Â
Once the last of the knots were tied off and youâd snipped the end of the thread, you wrapped the wounds back up with clean bandages before placing the roll of gauze back into the medical bag.Â
âAlright, uhm,â you shifted back, âyouâre good now,â a slight winch shot through you as you watched him briefly test out his armâs mobility, âjust be careful, try not to use it too much.â
Catching your eye, he uttered softly, âthank you,â before shifting his gaze to the gangster by the door, âRogers?âÂ
âYes, boss?â
âSee to it that she gets home safe.â
ONE MONTH LATER
âIâve heard the risotto here is really good,â Peter noted as you both skimmed the menus resting on the tablecloth before you, the crystal chandeliers illuminating the restaurant cast a soft glow down upon the choices. Â
âYeah?â you briefly glanced up to catch the doctorâs eye, âwell, maybe I should get that then,â you shrugged before shifting slightly in your seat, âhey,â you captured his gaze once more, âcould you maybe order for me? I just need toââŠâ you trailed off, letting the thumb you discreetly pointed over your shoulder in the direction of the bathrooms fill out the rest of the sentence.Â
âOh, yeah, of course,â he nodded.Â
âGreat, thank you,â you smiled as you rose. The long, cobalt-blue, velvet dress you wore briefly swooshed around your legs before the soft click of your heels against the polished floors carried you through the maze of tables.Â
It was the third date youâd ventured on with the kind doctor. The third one and yet you still didnât have any feelings towards him.Â
Stubbornly trying as you might, you still couldnât get the poison out of your system and do the right thing.Â
Once you exited the ladiesâ room, and big breath of courage in your lungs as you pushed open the door, it all seeped out as you walked through the small hallway that connected the lavatories with the dining space, and you accidentally bumped into two figures that waited in the space.Â
Unsure of who was to blame for the collision, you immediately just muttered, âoh, sorryâ,â before you glanced up at the pair and your apology crumbled from your lips, your frame immediately freezing up at the recognition.Â
âListen to me. You are going to quietly walk back to your little date, tell him that youâre not feeling well and need to go home,â Stark kept his voice hushed as both he and the other gangster slowly cornered you, the other one grasping your arm to keep you in place, âand then youâre gonna come with us.â
Sucking in a breath, you then tilted your chin slightly, âand if I donât?âÂ
âThen we wonât hesitate to make a scene,â Barton shifted the edge of his jacket out of the way to flash you the gun strapped beneath, âso you can either walk with us and safe a life or you can not only have a dying gangsterâs blood on your hands, but also everyone in this fucking restaurant.â
With the clench of your jaw, you glared up at them and murmured, â...fine,â before you ripped your arm free and began to walk back into the dining area and the table where Peter still sat.Â
Flashing you a smile as you neared, the doctor swiftly said, âso, I ordered this chardonnay that the waiter said was good. You drink wine, right?â
âIâ, uhmâŠâ your fingers clutched the back of the chair as you tried to appear as you had before, even though now you felt as if your hammering heart might spring straight out of your ribcage, âPeter, Iâm really sorry, but I gotta go,â you briefly scrambled your brain before adding, âthe hospital paged me. There was a big accident downtown.â
âReally?â he fished out his own beeper from his pocket and furrowed down at it, âI didnât get paged, so it probably canât be that bad.â
âYeah, but nurses shortage, you know?âÂ
âRight,â he nodded, disappointment slightly polluting his understanding expression.Â
âI'm really sorry,â you uttered as you picked up your small purse from the chair.
âNo, itâs fine,â he shook his head gently, âhey, I get it,â he shrugged before waving a hand, âgo.â
âThank you,â you stood there a moment longer, unsure of how you should depart, âuhm⊠bye,â before you awkwardly shifted closer to his seat and leaned down to press a brief kiss to his cheek as you offered him a half-hearted hug.Â
âWho is it this time?â you sighed as you were led into an elegant space, surely intended for parties judging by the long bar that stretched along the back wall. Glaring at the only man seated on one of the barstools, you asked impatiently, âis it you? Did you hurt yourself again?â
Glancing over his shoulder as you halted your stride halfway down the short steps, a smile appeared on Buckyâs face as he leaned a forearm against the bar top and bellowed, âY/n! Come, have a drink with me,â he waved a hand for you to take the seat beside him.Â
Standing your ground, you squinted back at him in confusion, âno, I canât, Iâ, whereâs the patient?âÂ
âThe patient?â he echoed as if you were speaking a foreign language.Â
âYes,â you huffed, your annoyance simmering into a full-on boil, âthe person whoâs on deathâs door, the reason why I, a medical professional, is here,â you placed your hands on your hips and asked once again, âis it you?â
âNo, Iâm phenomenal,â he pursed his lips as he snatched up the stout glass waiting for him on the marble counter, ânever been better.â
âOkay, so who is it?â
Tearing his gaze away from you, he then uttered, âno one,â before raising the drink up to his lips. As your mouth parted and your glare nearly burned straight through him, the mobster casually added, âyou look stunning, by the way,â before twisting in his seat to face you more, âI didnât know they changed scrubs out with gowns.âÂ
âNo, Iâ, I was on a dateâ,â you muttered faintly through your confusion, slightly shaking your head in an attempt to clear it before you raised a hand, âwait, excuse me, no oneâs injured?âÂ
âNo,â Barnes shook his head, âno oneâs hurt or dying,â then added as if your reaction was a tad bit too dramatic for his taste, âyou can relax, itâs fine.â
But instead, the opposite emotions roiled inside of you as you slowly ascended a single one of the remaining steps, âso you mean to tell me that your men threatened me, my date and a whole restaurant of people, then dragged me all the way out here again, for nothing?â you fumed.
âNo, it wasnât for nothing,â he shrugged, âthey brought you back here because I told them to,â he kept his ocean eyes upon you as he once again repeated, ânow, come drink with me.âÂ
âNo, I donât want a fucking drink,â you roared.Â
But then, just as swiftly as you had raised your voice, Buckyâs steely hand dipped beneath his suit jacket and pulled out a gun. Â
âI asked you nicely,â his stern tone rolled off his tongue slowly as he aimed the weapon upon you, ânow sit your ass down and share a drink with me.âÂ
Carefully, you finally followed his orders and sat down at the bar beside him.Â
âGood girl. That wasnât so hard now, was it?â he uttered as he sat the gun down beside his drink. Raising up a hand to the silent shadow behind the bar, a glass was soon slid across the counter, one Bukcy pushed closer towards you, âhere,â he said as you stared down at the orange peel floating at the top. As you lifted up the cocktail, the gangster beside you raised his own to click yours, âcheers.â
You briefly toyed with the thought of just taking a sip, though opted instead to down it all, both out of the desperate hope that the alcohol would aid the strange evening, but also in an attempt to fast forward a tad closer to your longed-for departure, ripping the bandage off instead of nursing it all night long.Â
Though as you sat the glass back down on the bar, the bottom clanged against the marble much more forcefully than youâd intended as the fingers you clutched it with began to tingle. Blinking heavily a few times, your hand accidentally knocked over the empty drink as a numbing sensation began to bloom within your chest and spread throughout your body.Â
Trying to get up from your seat, you mumbled foggily, âwhat the hell?â though quickly stumbled as your legs felt like jelly beneath your velvet gown.
âWhoa, careful now, angel,â Buckyâs calm gaze trailed you chillingly as you tried to steady yourself.Â
âThe fuck did you do?â you panted as your wide eyes watched him raise from his seat.Â
âIt's okay,â he uttered softly, âitâs all gonna be okay,â before your world turned to black and you passed out into his arms.Â
When you finally stirred, you were no longer at the bar, nor any other room youâd been in before. You were in a bedroom, situated on a spacious mattress and alongside countless fluffy maroon pillows.Â
As you sat up, a low rustling found your ears and drew your vision down towards the coldness clinging around your ankle. Strung between the bottom corner of the bedframe and your own foot, there shined a chain, one that, try as you instinctively did, you couldnât snap out of.Â
But then, as the door to the room creaked open and caused your body to flinch, a plea swiftly flowed out of you as you watched Rogers step inside, balancing a small tray with a glass and a tall decanter of clear water.Â
âSteve!â you crawled to the bottom of the bed, âIâ⊠help me, please,â you begged, hearing tears thicken up your voice as they rolled down your cheeks, âyouâre a good man, deep down I know you donât wanna stand by and let this happen. Can you unlock me? Please? Help me get out of here.â
But just as you waited for Steveâs lips to part, you instead heard, âshh, donât waste your breath, honey,â as in strolled Bucky, causing you to swiftly scramble as far back on the bed as the chain would allow.Â
Sitting down in a chair just out of your reach, the fireplace opposing the bed, directly behind where he sat, clacked and lit up his spine as he settled into the seat and directed his cold gaze upon you.
âGlad to see you awake,â he uttered calmly.
âFuck you!â you swiftly spat as you hugged your knees tightly to your chest.Â
âAnd with all of your charms still intact,â he tilted his head, a light smirk blooming on his lips as your vulgar language hadnât fazed him one bit.Â
âLet me go,â you demanded.Â
âYeah, thatâs not gonna happen, my angel,â his burly arms folded across his chest, âthis is for your own protection,â he briefly gestured to the chain, âwe wouldnât want you to do anything stupid or rash now, would we?â one of his eyebrows twitched, âI canât let anything happen to you,â he uttered as you continued to stare daggers at him, âyou need to be kept as safe as possible so you can keep on helping me the way that you have.â
âWhat? You want me to be your gangâs personal nurse?â you scoffed, âis this your sick and twisted way of offering me a job, because if so, no thanks!â
âYeah, no, this isnât a job offering, Iâm not interested in those talents of yours,â he leaned further back in the seat before he began to explain, âyou see, for the past few years, Iâve had a serious string of bad luck. Deals have fallen through, rats have been found, the feds have been snipping at our heels and countless of my men have lost their lives,â he listed off, âbut, then I met you,â his eyes flickered up to capture your own, âand it all turned around,â he uttered, âI tell you, when youâre here, itâs fate herself is on my side and nothing whatsoever could go wrong. Like having you has made me a fucking god or something, thatâs the level of power youâve bestowed in me,â a faint smile tugged at his lips as those words rolled off his tongue, âso no, you can not leave. You have to stay right here where I can make sure youâre safe and sound. Although, just because you get to be kept safe, that doesnât mean youâre free of any consequences if you step out of line⊠it also doesnât mean that Iâll deny anyone of your beauty if it pleases them⊠so, I guess itâs more along the lines of you just staying alive under my watch.âÂ
In the blind rage his words threw you into, your fingers wrapped around the bedside lamp before you chucked it across the room. Though just before it could strike the gangsterâs head, he casually ducked out of the way, the lamp instead smashing on the floor behind him as a chuckle began to rumble within his chest.Â
âThatâs cute,â he laughed lowly, âyouâve got some bite. Itâll get you in trouble, but itâs adorable.âÂ
âI'm not interested in being your good luck charm, you superstitious fuck!â you yelled as he got up from his seat.Â
Huffing out a condescending grin, âgive it some time, angel,â he fastened the button on his dark suit jacket before smoothing a palm down over the front, âthe human psyche is much more fragile than youâd think and can get used to some surprising conditions,â he ignored the scream that desperately tore from your lungs and instead turned to Steve standing by the door and asked him calming, âRogers, would you mind cleaning that up?â gesturing to the broken lamp on the floor, and as he received a small nod in return, he murmured, âthank you,â before exiting the room and leaving you to your fate.Â
âSeriously?â Steve let out a laugh when he finally coaxed the truth out as to why you hadnât been touching any of the food theyâd brought you, âand here I thought you were just a picky eater.âÂ
âWell, youâve already drugged me once so whatâs stopping you from doing it again,â you explained, glaring down at the plate before you as he attempted to stifle his laughter.Â
âI swear, cross my heart, your pasta is not poisoned.â
Continuing to squint down at the food, you kissed your teeth, âprove it.â
âReally?â his brows floated up, âalright,â he sighed as he sat down across from you. Dragging your plate closer, he twirled some of the spaghetti onto the fork before slipping it into his mouth, âsee?â he chewed, âIâm fine, and so will you be when you get some food in that belly of yours.â
Pushing it back towards you, hesitantly, you picked up the fork and slowly began to eat. It had only been little things youâd consumed the past couple of days being here, things you could be certain werenât tainted, like the odd apple and such.Â
Though as you chewed and finally began to settle your stomachâs nauseating rumbling, tears began to stream down your cheeks.Â
No matter how hard you tried to beg, none of the mobsters would help you, as their loyalty was just too hard for you to crack.Â
âHeyâŠâ your bloodshot eyes then flickered up to Rogers as he noticed your weeping, âitâll get easier, I promise,â he attempted in a soft tone.Â
âHow?â you blinked back at him hopelessly, âI am being locked up in a room by a maniac as if Iâm just some trinket for him to own.âÂ
Throwing a brief glance over his shoulder, he then leaned in a bit closer to cautiously advise you, ââŠthere might be some things you could do to change your situationâŠâ
âWhat?â a spark suddenly flickered within you, âIâd do anything.â
ââŠyou might consider trying to get closer to BarnesâŠâ his words remained hesitant, ââŠif he begins to care for you, then he might treat you differentlyâŠâ
âLike, heâd let me go?âÂ
âI donât know,â he exhaled, âbut maybe it could get that chain off your ankle,â he gestured to your foot, âbaby steps.âÂ
ONE MONTH LATER
âHere,â Steve croaked as he suddenly burst through the doors to your room, a big flat box in his arms which he tossed on the bed beside you. Peeking inside, a folded-up bundle of black fabric met your eye, âput it on,â he ordered hastily, âmake yourself presentable.â
âWhy?â you blinked up at him, your brows knitting gently together.Â
âBecause the boss requested it,â he answered impatiently.Â
âWhat, he wants to play dress up with me now? Treat me like a doll?â
Over the past month, you had gone from being scared out of your mind, barely sleeping at night, horrified of what they might do to you, till the paralysing fear slowly began to melt away as not much happened at all, in fact so little that you grew bored in your imprisonment, thinking that the big bad gangsters were just all bark and no bite. Perhaps that was a dangerous confidence to develop, growing cocky in your restlessness, but you couldnât help it.Â
Letting out a low sigh, âjust put it on,â Rogersâ head tilted before he said, âIâll be outside, yell when youâre done.â
Popping the lid off all the way, you then slipped into the black gown waiting within. It was long and simple in its beauty as it hugged all of your curves like a second skin.Â
Right before you called out to the mobster in the hallway, you leaned in closer to the mirror on the left side of the room. The dark storm clouds visible out the gothic windows that filled up the wall behind you blossomed in the reflection alongside you as you momentarily fussed with your hair to make it match the elegant dress better.Â
Once Steve had entered the room once again, the very last thing you expected was what he did next.Â
Walking straight up to you, without a word, he bent down and unlocked the chain binding you to the bedpost. At first, a wave of hope washed over you till it was drowned out by the unsettling notion as to where he would take you and just what plans were on the horizon.Â
Grabbing you by the arm, he dragged you out of the room and down the dark hallway youâd only seen glimpses of before. You tried to ask him what was going on, though he didnât offer you any clue in return, only remained silent as he hauled you through the maze-like manor till a wide set of steps found you, leading you down into a garage where a group of the other gangsters already stood beside the black car rolled up by the base of the stairs.Â
Standing in the middle with an arm resting against the roof of the vehicle, Buckyâs gaze swiftly landed upon you as you ascended the stone steps.Â
âWell,â the mob bossâ eyes roamed your form, âdonât you look pretty.â
Biting your tongue, you greeted him politely, âMr Barnes.â
âShall we go?â he cracked open one of the car doors.Â
âWhere?â you tried, though your question only caused him to breathe out a smile as he ignored it and instead commanded softly.Â
âGet in the car, angel,â his metal arm rested atop the door.Â
Riding in a different vehicle than you, it was Clint who slipped in behind the wheel of your car and drove you the silent route towards the mysterious destination.Â
Though once the car came to a stop, the door to your left cracked open from the outside and there to greet you was an outstretched metal hand to help you exit.Â
You didnât recognise the building that loomed before you, though it was grand and opulent with large steps leading you and all the other arrivals up to what sounded like a party already buzzing on.
âSo, you needed a date,â you exhaled as Barnes took your arm and began to lead you up the stairs, a cluster of his men shadowing behind you both.Â
âNo,â he cocked his head, âI didnât need it...â
Casting your glance around at the other guests that passed, you asked, âwhat kinda party is this anyway? Let me guess, human trafficking auction?â you were completely serious, though still managed to make the gangster laugh gently.Â
âItâs a wedding,â his chuckle finished billowing out of his lungs, âor a funeral,â he tilted his head, âI'm not quite sure.â
âHow could you not be sure?â you shot him a glance as you reached the top of the steps and he dragged you inside the marbled halls, âthereâs a pretty significant difference.â
âThey all just kinda melt together at this point,â he sighed, âI have at least one of these a week I gotta show my face at, just out of respect.âÂ
Taking a look around, you uttered, âwell, do you at least know who this funeral wedding is for?â
âNo fucking clue,â he exhaled before following the signs and leading you into the venueâs ballroom.
Turns out it was a wedding for some couple you hadnât yet spotted, though youâd already read their names a thousand times with all the stuff they were plastered upon.Â
You stayed quiet and lingered by Buckyâs side as he shook some peopleâs hands and made some small talk before the two of you found yourselves seated at one of the many round tables in the hall.Â
Blinking up at the floral centrepiece, your fingers fiddled with the white tablecloth as the hours rolled by. Soon, not only the complementary glass of champagne youâd been handed back when you arrived was sloshing in your belly, but also quite a bit more alcohol as you decided that was a good tool to make the evening more bearable.Â
It however also came with the hindrance of boosting your cockiness as you eventually found yourself poking the bear.Â
âYou know for a big bad gangster,â you stared over at him, leaned back in the seat next to yours, âyouâre actually not that scary up close,â you pursed your lips, causing a chuckle to rumble within his chest because of just how untrue that statement was, âsmiling at everyone, being polite. Are you sure you really are the big bad winter solider? The king of New York with no heart and only an imagination for tortureâŠâ
âWellâŠâ he huffed out a short laugh as he met your gaze, âdonât you have me just all figured out.â
âSome of your guys may have filled me in a bit,â you tilted your head.Â
âHave they now?â he continued to look amused.Â
âYeah, well, a bit at least,â you seized your glass and took another sip.
As you placed the flute back down on the table and rested your cheek in a propped-up palm, your stare only intensified into a squint as Buckyâs eyes flickered back around the room.
But as his gaze fluttered back to notice your gawking, he muttered, âwhat?â
âWhy arenât you mean tonight?â you uttered through the haze fuzzing up your mind.Â
Tongue flicking out to wet his lips, his eyes briefly dipped before he uttered, âdo you want me to be mean?â a playful smirk twitched at the corner of his lip in a threat to appear.Â
âIs it all just a lie?â you asked, the subtext of his previous words flowing directly over your dizzy head.Â
âWhat?â
Squinting back at him, you then breathed, âthereâs always a part of me thatâs still scared, imagining what you might do to me⊠but now,â you slowly drew out, âI donât think youâre actually ever gonna do anything,â you blindly decided, âthatâs not really who you are, theyâre all just empty threatsâŠâÂ
âHmâŠâ he hummed, a slight smile blooming upon his lips as he stared back at you, âokayâŠâ before he leaned in closer to utter, âand just what makes you think that I havenât already?â your face immediately dropped as his words caused your frame to freeze up, âtell me, Y/n,â his breath fanned across your cheeks, âdid you sleep well last night? Or the night before for that matter, orâ, well, just during the time youâve spent here with me?â
As your shock not only showed in your expression but also in your complete lack of speech, he simply grinned back at your stunned features before grabbing you by the hand and breaking the moment.Â
âCome on,â he dragged you with him as he then stood up himself, âletâs dance.â
With an argument on the tip of your tongue, the appendage, just as the rest of you, still remained too dumbfounded for it to come to fruition. You didnât manage to gather your wits once again till he had you on the middle of the floor, wide hand on your waist as you swayed to the music.Â
As his hold slowly tightened and he brought you closer to his broad frame, your breath suddenly hitched as you blinked up into his eyes, the air between you growing thick. The hand that grasped your own near swallowed your palm in a dizzying contrast. Goosebumps began to erupt across your skin as you felt your heartbeat thump not only in your chest, but also much further south, a mortifying clue to the dark truth you hoped he didnât somehow notice.Â
Gliding his palm up the length of your spine, it came to rest between your shoulder blades as he then drew you in closer and your gaze fell to the band strumming over his shoulder.Â
âDoes the thought of me playing with you at night turn you on?â he whispered in your ear and continued to gently sway you to the music, âbecause if you want me to wake you, all you have to do is ask. Though my attempts so far at rubbing your luck off on me have been rather eventful, Iâm still sure it would be better if you gave me a bit of a handâŠâÂ
Tilting your head back to blink up at him, you thought you were gonna spit him in the face for making such an accusation, till your stare acted of its own accord and fluttered down to fixate on his lips.Â
It almost felt as if they were calling for you, begging you closer like a stubborn magnet. But before you could close the short distance that kept you two apart, Barton appeared in your periphery and tapped his boss on the shoulder.Â
As he leaned in to whisper in his ear, you couldnât pick up on the words over the music, though watched as Buckyâs face swiftly grew hard.Â
âWhatâs going on?â you asked as the secretive message came to an end and the mobsterâs wide hands faded from your frame.Â
Ignoring your question, Bucky instead cast his glance over your head at one of the men behind you and ordered sternly, âStark? Get her home, now.â
âWhatâs happening?â you tried again, though without success as Tony dragged you away and the remaining gathered to converse in hushed tones.
Perhaps it was because of the chaos of whatever was happening, perhaps just a simple mistake, but when you returned back to the manor, the shackle wasnât reunited with your ankle.Â
Not willing to let that gift slip through your fingers, you soon grasped that opportunity tight and made an attempt at your escape.Â
Sneaking down the many hallways, you successfully hid from a handful of gruff-looking men before you realised you couldnât remember the path to the garage or any other way out of the labyrinth of a building that kept you swallowed in the dark.Â
However, your mission turned into a swiftly sinking ship as soon as you rounded the wrong corner and crossed the threshold of the last room you should have entered.Â
In the centre of the space stood two chairs, both with individuals strapped to them, though only one of them was still alive. Before the seated pair and with his back turned to your frozen-up form, there stood Bucky. Returned from the party and with both his jacket and tie torn off, his sleeves were rolled up though still tainted in small crimson flecks of the deed heâd just done.Â
âCome on, VladimirâŠâ Barnes uttered as he kneeled down in front of the battered man still breathing, neither he nor the other members in the room haven noticed you in the doorway, âjust give me what I want and we can wrap this up.â
Wheezing painfully through his broken nose, the man met Buckyâs steely gaze before fulfilling his request, ââŠIâm sorryâŠâ
âHm?â he leaned in pettily, âwhat was that?â
âIâm sorry,â the tied-up man repeated with a laboured huff.
âOkay, getting there,â he nodded, âwhat are you sorry for?â
âIâm sorry for killing BruceâŠâ the name rolled off Vladimirâs tongue like a crackle to a bonfire.Â
âAnd?â Bucky fished.Â
âFor hurting youâŠâÂ
âSee? That wasnât so bad now,â Barnes straightened back up, âan apology, a life for the one you took from me, and now thereâs just one last thing left to do, and then weâre even,â he then took one step back and conjured his gun. Aiming it at the Russian, barely a second passed before a shot deafened everyoneâs ears and a bullet blasted through the tied-up manâs arm, mirroring the injuries Bucky himself had sustained. The loud blast and the bloodcurdling scream that tore from Vladimir, however, caught you so off guard that a shriek slipped from you as you flinched, revealing your presence as everybodyâs eyes suddenly shifted to train on you. Glancing over his shoulder, Bucky grunted, âwhat are you doing out? What is she doing out?â he shot his glare in the direction of Steve off to the side, âRogers? Get her back into bed.â
âYes, boss,â his right-hand man swiftly nodded before catching up to you in two long steps and seizing your arm.Â
And as you were dragged back to your doom, your eyes caught the tail end as Barnes let out a sigh and turned back around to face his victim, ânow, where were we? Right! I believe the other one was right around here,â another gunshot echoed in the manor as he shot Vladimirâs arm once more, âand now, we canât forget about the ones that only skimmed me, so get up and donât fucking flinch, itâs on you if I hit your lung.â
The chain reunited with your ankle jingled as you twisted on the bed to cast your gaze out the window. Heavy rain hammered against the tall panes as the restless city twinkled through the darkness of the night. In the corner of the room, Steve watched up like a hawk as you continuously failed to find rest.Â
But then, just as you thought you felt your heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, the double doors burst open and in paced Bucky.Â
âIs she awake?â he huffed, though didnât wait for an answer before he heatedly went on, âokay, great.â
As his rushed steps halted by the foot of your bed, the look in his eye caused your body to shudder. Â
âRogers?â he kept his cold stare glued on you as he uttered, âgo wait outside.â
Though you silently pleaded with your eyes for the mobster to stay, it was no use as Steve swiftly shut the doors behind him.Â
As the man before you then shifted, your wide eyes finally noticed the bundle of rope in his grasp as he began to unravel it. Scrambling back, you didnât manage to crawl far away before Bucky caught the chain and yanked it hard enough to force your frame down towards him. Though your struggling finally fizzled out when the gangster pulled out his gun, the very gun heâd just ended a life with, and aimed it at your head to get you to comply.Â
âYou know,â he uttered gruffly like a pent-up bull, âIâve been nice, Iâve been real well behaved, kept my manners intact, been a goddamn gentleman,â the heavy weapon in his hand tilted slightly to emphasise his words, âbut evidently, thatâs not what you need to learn your fucking place,â he fumed before letting out a low exhale, âthatâs alrightâŠâ
âBucky, please,â tears blurred your vision as you held up your palms, âI-I understand, Iâm sorry, you donât have to do this.âÂ
âOh, but I doâŠâ he sighed almost softly as he then kneeled down closer and let the tip of the cool barrel stroke your cheek, ââŠif you donât break a horse, then sheâll never be tamedâŠâ his eyes trailed after the line he drew before it flickered up to find your own, ânow give me your hands,â he ordered and hesitantly, you shakily obeyed.Â
Since you couldnât stay in your place, he simply had to tie you down better.Â
Unfurling the rope in his grasp, the mobster then fastened the cord around not only both of your wrists, but also your free ankle. After each of the tight knots were tied off, he yanked each appendage to the nearest corner of the bedframe, spreading your limbs till you looked like a starfish on the mattress.Â
Taking a step back to admire his handiwork, his fingers then dipped down into his pocket before a slight furrow found his brow as his touch didnât locate the item he fished for. Placing the heavy gun in his palm down on the fireplace mantel, he then closed the distance towards the exit and cracked open the door just a smidge.Â
âRogers?â he extended a hand through the sliver, âgive me your knife,â to which a switchblade was swiftly placed in his palm, replacing his own which was still lodged deeply inside the corpse of the Russian in the other room.Â
Slamming the door behind him, he then crossed the room and silently began to cut your clothes off. The black gown you still wore came off with only a few slices, though your underwear, that he took his time with, slowly grazing the blade over your goosebump-ridden flesh before nicking the cotton clinging tightly to your frame.Â
Once you were bare before him, his feet shuffled back slightly as he let his stare soak up every millimetre of you.Â
A hand floated up to tug on his tie and loosen it slightly from around the collar still dappled with the blood of his enemy. Folding closed the knife with a faint flourish, he then sank down into the armchair directly behind him. The tattered panties heâd sliced from you were still clutched tightly in his hand as his eyes stayed glued upon your frame. Bringing the fabric up to his nose, his blue eyes then fluttered closed for a second as he breathed deeply, letting the scent of you flood his senses.Â
But as he stuffed the cotton down into his pocket and let his palm drift to somewhere else, your eyes grew even wider as you gasped, âwhat are youââ
âJust shut up, please,â he groaned, sounding like he was at his very last straw as he brashly began to rub himself through his pants, âjust for one fucking second, donât be a brat.â
Your jaw couldnât help but hit the floor as he shamelessly pulled out his cock, letting the intimidating hardness spring free of its confines before he spit in his palm and enclosed his fist around the fat girth. You wanted to look away, you truly did, but you just couldnât, a flaw he obviously noticed.Â
âYouâre unbelievableâŠâ he chuckled as his fist silkily stroked up and down his cock, the mixture of his own spit and the precum beading at the tip caused a sloppy melody to fill the room at each and every twist, âI mean, me being into you, thatâs one thing, that makes sense, youâre the closest thing to magic that Iâve ever experienced, so of course thatâs enough to get me going, but you⊠youâre the very textbook definition of a good girl and here you are pining afterâ, how was it again you put it? A superstitious fuck?âÂ
Stunned at his accusation, you tried to tear your stare away, âI donât know what youâre talking aboutâŠâ
âReally? Well, I didnât take you for a fool, but hey,â he tilted his head, âsome folks are just that disconnected to their own feelings.â
Blinking back at him, you scoffed faintly, âyouâre crazy, Iâm notââŠâ but you couldnât even say it out loud as you, deep down, knew that it was a lie.Â
âOh yeah?â he cocked a brow, finding your flustered state amusing, âthen why did you almost kiss me tonight?â
âIââŠI was drunk.âÂ
Letting out a dark chuckle, âalright, sure,â he then rose from his seat and crawled up on the bed with you before he buried his face between your parted thighs, âif you despise me so much, then why are you so fucking wet?â his hot breath fanned across your core.Â
âIâm notâ,â you tried, though your attempt then fell short as he proved you wrong, reaching out his touch to tickle at your lightly and let the wet sounds of your arousal slosh into your soul.Â
âHm?â the broad pad of his thumb gently brushed over your glistening petals, making them part for him, âif this isnât because deep down you want me, then why? Iâd love to hear you try and explain your way out of this oneâŠâ
âI-IââŠâ your eyes fluttered as you tried to fight the feeling, âI donâtâŠâÂ
Laughing lightly through the scoff that then bubbled out of him, he averted his gaze and said, âokay, fine. You wanna play that game?â his eyes flickered back up to find yours, âif you need a bit of help in order to admit the truth, then thatâs what youâll get,â he uttered before suddenly stuffing two of his fingers inside of you.Â
Craning his neck, he tilted down to catch a taste. You tried to hold back your moans as his digits caressed you, but the softness of his velvety tongue came as such a shock that a little squeak managed to slip out past your lips.Â
âI mean, if itâs any consolation,â his stubbly chin glimmered with your essence as he retracted slightly to smirk, âI personally think itâs kinda cute that you have a crush on me like a little schoolgirlâŠâÂ
He then sent his palm down upon your pussy in a wet smack, before repeating the action a couple of times to echo the jolt it shot through your body.Â
âFuckâŠâ he groaned in a low rumble, âyou are so much more pretty awakeâŠâ he revealed casually, âsure, you make some cute noises in your sleep, but not like this,â you instinctually tried to stifle the uncontrollable whimpers that flowed from your lungs, âyou should really be thanking me for all of the time and effort Iâve put into stretching this little hole of yours out,â his fingers continued to pump in and out of you, âif I hadnât, well then you might just split in two when I finally get my cock in there.âÂ
And as he leaned down to lap you up once more, you curled your toes as you felt him push you closer to the edge.Â
âMr BarnesâŠâ you attempted with an air of respect through your pants, âplease donâtââŠâ
âWhy? Because it makes you want to kiss me again?â he teasingly taunted you before continuing his persistent licks, bullying your clit into submission.Â
And as he kept going, even as you gasped, âstopâ, a-ah!â he still kept his lips locked around your puffy pearl long after a gush of squirt wept around his fingers, keeping his efforts up till your hips were bucking back in sensitivity.Â
But when his kiss finally ceased, he let some of your juices, that had flooded into his mouth, trickle out past his lips and back down onto your pussy, âfuckâŠâ his low groan nearly caused the whole room to rumble, ânasty little cuntâŠâ before he slapped your throbbing core once more, watching as the last little trickle weakly leaked out and soaked the sheets below.Â
Lifting himself up to hover above your constricted form, you then squirmed as you felt him nudge the bulbous tip of him against you.Â
âDoes the idea of liking, or even loving, someone like me scare you that much?â he uttered as he gathered up your slick and smeared it with his cock, âdoes it make you feel all wrong and icky inside that I of all people make you feel the way that you do?âÂ
All of the air in your lungs was then suddenly knocked clean out as he, with one long stroke, slipped all the way inside, before pulling right back out to tap the weight of him against your poor clit with the hold he had at his base.Â
âYou wonât spontaneously combust if you admit it out loud, you knowâŠâ
He repeated the motion, plugging you up completely before he denied your cunt the chance of getting used to the stretch.Â
âI just wanna hear you say itâŠâ
And on the next time he filled you up to the brim, this time his hips didnât retract.
Reeling as you fought to comprehend the manner his girth split you open, you gasped weakly, âI canâtâŠâ
âHmmâŠâ his eyes above you narrowed slightly before he pointed out, âthatâs not a no,â and he began to move, âfinally getting somewhereâŠâ
The gangster was in no way gentle as he started to fuck your pussy, the selfish force of it caused your body to jostle every time his heavy balls tapped against your slick skin, thereby conducting a lewd beat each time he slammed into you.Â
Lowing himself to get even closer to you, his nose ghosted against your own from the proximity. The gesture made you assume that he was about to press his lips to yours, though they never touched, even as your own instincts overwhelmed you and made you dizzily tilt up to try and close the gap, ânah-ah-ah,â he swiftly clicked his tongue and moved out of your reach, âadmit the truth and then Iâll kiss you all you want.â
With his length still embedded deep within you, he sat back up. His fingers dented your hips as he grabbed onto them and then began to sink them harshly down against his own, lifting your frame entirely off of the mattress as he used you like a toy.Â
âOh godâŠâ you whimpered as your eyes fluttered down to notice the faint bulge that appeared in your lower abdomen, the thrusting imprint of his size visibly showing just how deep he buried himself inside of you.Â
Once heâd plopped your hips back down onto the bed, his hands then instead floated up to play with your tits, the rhythm he offered you causing them to jiggle in his palms. Though once heâd fiercely pinched your nipples and parted ways in a brief tap, his fingers then drifted further down south till his right hand found your puffy clit.Â
Casting his glance down as he rubbed your pearl, a smirk appeared on his lip as he spotted the way your cream coated his girth. Sweeping down to smear his touch against it, what he did next caught you so off guard that you jostled wildly in your binds in an attempt to hit him for his audacity.
âAhh!â you yelped as he stuffed two of his fingers in your pussy alongside his already overwhelming girth, âBuck, no, itâs too much!âÂ
But your squeak only caused him to chuckle as he stared down at the way your little hole struggled to take what he gave it, clinging around him so tightly that loud groans began to billow from him as he soon painted your insides white and pumped you full of his cum.Â
With heavy breaths, he withdrew his dick, though let his digits stay inside your warmth.Â
âMaybe in time you could become more than just my good luck charmâŠâ he murmured as he flopped down to curl closer to your core, âwould you like that?â he nipped at one of your thighs as his load slowly began to leak around his thick fingers, âdoes the idea of me falling down to my knees before you and declaring my undying love entice you, angel?âÂ
âYouâll just have to do better,â he continued as his digits began to twist within you, âlet me mould you and make you perfect for me,â another one of his fingers was stuffed inside of you, causing your eyes to flutter, âjust let go,â he breathed, âshut off your brain and let it become a leaky mess just like your pussy already is for me,â he worked another digit into your creamy cunt before grazing the last one against your stretched out opening, âyou donât need to think, you just need to do exactly as I tell you to and everything will be okay,â his tone was soft as his thumb curled close to the others and sank into your pussy with a pop, âjust break for me, itâs okay,â your body was shaking beneath him as his entire fist slowly twisted within you, âyouâll be so much more perfect ruinedâŠâ
Tears were streaming down your face as you unravelled once more, trembling violently as your pussy clamped down around his wide hand so tightly that it was forced all the way out, a drizzle of your nectar once again spraying out at the intensity.Â
âAlright!â you let out a sob, âalright⊠Iâ⊠I donât understand it⊠but, IââŠâ you caught his eye and confessed, âever since the moment I met you, I havenât been able to stop thinking about you⊠even when I fall asleep, itâs like youâre haunting me in my dreamsâŠâ a faint shake found your head as you blinked up at him through your blurry vision, âI donât wanna feel this way. ButââŠÂ I do.â
It seemed as though time stood still as Bucky stared down at you, an unreadable expression tinting his features before he finally shifted, slowly leaning down over you and inching closer before he finally pressed his lips to your own.
A faint whimper was muffled against his kiss as you felt the world crumble around you.Â
âThat wasnât so hard, was it nowâŠâ he breathed as he ended the soft peck, âsay it again,â his hand slid over your jaw, âpractice makes perfect.â
Blinking up into his eyes, you uttered from the bottom of your heart, âI am yours,â a single tear rolled down your cheek as you still trembled beneath him.Â
âDamn right you areâŠâ his lips tilted into a smile.Â
Fishing out the borrowed switchblade that still rested within the gangsterâs pocket, he then sliced through the ropes and constricted you.Â
Tangling your arms around his neck as you sat up, you captured his lips once again and felt his touch slide down under your ass before he scooped you into his lap. Your sore pussy wept against his cock, once again throbbing and hard as a rock against your core. As your tongue danced against his own, you couldnât help but scramble even closer, pressing your body impossibly close to his own as you grinded down against him.Â
âYou are mine,â he groaned as he manhandled your frame in his hold and sank you back down onto his fat dick, âyou are my most prized possession,â your bodies met in sticky claps as the aftermath of the rough round moments before still oozed all over this one where passion crackled behind both of your own desperate efforts, âI will never let you go,â he blinked up into your eyes as you rode him, both of you clinging to each other as the end crept ever nearer, âalways need youâ,â his sentence was briefly broken up by a moan as you rolled your hips, your pussy gripping around him and squeezing him tightly, âneed you by my sideâŠâÂ
Once your synced-up orgasms had both shuddered your senses and you were sharing each otherâs breath, your eyes remained locked as his throbbing cock stayed buried deep within you.
âSo, what now?â your chest rose and fell as you whispered into the night, the pitter-patter of rain splashing against your windows once again catching your attention as it swept over and mingled with your laboured pants of breath. Â
Not shifting his gaze, his eyes briefly scanned your own in search of any ounce of deception, before his fingers dipped down into his pocket and conjured a tiny key, ânow,â and he stretched down to undo the chain at your ankle. The click of the lock felt like a gasp of real air was finally filling your depraved lungs, âI take you to my room,â and he manoeuvred you around to slink one arm in behind your knees while the other stayed fast at your spine. As he rose from the bed, he plucked you up with him as well, carrying you in his hold as he exited the bedroom.Â

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